12/31/2023 0 Comments Bdsm checklist longNo scene should ever be contemplated that does not have all three of those elements. The cornerstone of such activities is that they be safe, sane, and consensual. Scenes At its most basic, a scene is the playing out of a fantasy or desire common to both the Top and the bottom. He should know your vulnerabilities, but not use them against you. He should be supportive of you, proud of you, and not the least bit intimidated by you. He will take you where you most fear to go and show you how to experience exquisite pleasure there. He will never lose sight of the fact that you are equals in an SM relationship. He should be your muse and mentor, your playmate and lover, your archangel and demon. Your Dom should become your closest friend and confidante, your captor and torturer, your hero and knight in shining armor. He can control His slave because He is able to control Himself. A good Dom is creative and imaginative and is concerned with the emotional and physical well-being of His submissive. A good caring Dominant knows that being a Dominant is a responsibility, and He looks upon the SM power exchange and the bottom’s submission as the precious gifts that they are. A Top is a person who is willing temporary control over another and turn an experience that would seem mean or disrespectful or otherwise unpleasant in real life into an erotic event. A Top can be a Dominant, Sadist, Lord, Sir, Master, Daddy, or fireman, Indian chief, desert bandit, pirate, teacher, or whoever wields the crook and flail of authority. Tops The bottom’s counterpart is the Top. She knows she always has a choice as to whether she wishes to start, stop or continue with SM games. She comes to think of herself as a vessel waiting to be filled with new sensations and experiences. She realizes her power, beauty and worth as a submissive and takes pride in her submission. A submissive that is aware of herself realizes that there is more to being submissive than just being a passive recipient of whatever the Master dishes out. A consensual submissive rarely has a desire to be abused for real, and can separate fantasy from reality. Holding your hands behind your back for a prenegotiated face-slapping of your own free will is very different from being hurt by the hand snaked out in anger that leaves behind its red print of shame on a cheek. A bottom, then, would be any person with the ability to eroticize and enjoy stimulation, such as pain, humiliation or helplessness, which would be unpleasant and unwanted in a real-life situation. A bottom is the partner who surrenders temporary control to a Dominant during an SM scene. A bottom could be a slave, sex toy, masochist, Daddy’s girl, harem-girl, pony-girl, exhibitionist, the upstairs maid, or a footstool. Within this definition, there is a wide spectrum of bottom types. Some take this even further, saying W/we and O/our, though this can be very clumsy in an IM conversation.īottoms A common term for a submissive is a “bottom”, which highlights the submissive’s role in a relationship. Equally, submissive roles are written in lower case. In the same vein, a sub refers to herself as i, and my, at all times. When a Top refers to a sub, He will say you, your, even when normal grammar requires capitalization (eg to begin a sentence). When a sub refers to a Top she will say You, Your. When a Top refers to Himself, He will say Me, My. So, we have Dome, Domme, Dominatrix, Sir, Lord, Master, etc, to refer to the Top. Those in a dominant role typically capitalize certain words that are pertinent to the “Top” role, whereas submissives use lower-case letters when using words pertinent to the “bottom” role. Most practitioners use either SM/S&M or BDSM as the preferred moniker for their activities.Ĭonventions In SM, when using the written word, there are conventions employed that assist in delineating and reinforcing the roles adopted by each partner. There is also the ‘catch-all’ description BDSM. SM (or S&M) is shorthand for sadomasochism, though it is known by many other names, including D&S (dominance and submission), D/s (Dominant/submissive), B&D (bondage & discipline), R&P (restraint and pleasure), guidance and correction, guidance and surrender, age play, role-playing, psychodrama and fetishism. It will enrich your life and enhance your lovemaking. Being submissive in an SM setting will heighten the intimacy, trust and communication in your relationship. There is nothing politically incorrect about being sexually submissive, even in our world, because your sexuality is entirely a personal choice – your choice.
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